Monday, April 13, 2009

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Life Under the Enterprise Corporate Microscope
Monday, April 13, 2009

The Wild and Wacky World of the Internet
The internet fascinates me more each day. I've been doing these little blogs for a few months now, and up until recently, was convinced nobody was actually reading them.In all honesty, the only reason I started this nonsense was to promote my recently published book, Life Under the Corporate Microscope, because after all, now that I'm finished writing it (the easy part), I've got to figure out ways to market the f*cking thing. There. I almost used the "f" word, in its full splendor, but realized children under the age of 18 may some how be viewing this and tell on me, or something.But I love my fans. A week or so ago, a got a nice little email from a nice lady, inviting me to be some sort of article writer for their website, Allsources, and of course I graciously accepted the offer.As a way of introducing myself to the Allaboutme website, I simply went back through my archives, and reposted the original press release from January. Apparently (for good reason) the Allrightythen editorial team allowed the posting to get...posted, but rated it on the lowest posssible denominator as far as "credibillity" goes.Who could blame them? I appeared to be shamlessly self-promoting my book, and as far as Allswell was concerned, whatever objective credibility I had went flying out the door.Stunned, I promptly submitted a comment, which of course was the only comment made...Stating the fact that it's sold a pretty good number of copies, and more arguing about its true credibility, and so on. I concluded by suggesting their staff take a look at how well it had been selling on Amazon, and how favorable the reviews were.Sure enough, shortly thereafter, they raised my credibility factor up a couple of nocthes, to "average", and that was fair enough as far as I was concerned.My next offering was a nice book review for my new friend, Paul Herr, who wrote "Primal Management". It's a great book which really blows the whole concept of "employee motivation" right out of the water...I was going to say something more clever than "water", but couldn't do it. Seriously, it's a book every CEO of every corporation in the world needs to read, and implement its strategy, the sooner the better.Even though my "credibility rating" on this one was only a "two", I suppose I need more of a track record to have them really believe anything I write. Again, I don't blame 'em.Apparently, stuff I post is getting read by more people than I originally thought (again, that was me and about it). Late last night, as I was checking my email spams, Allsources notified me that I had a response to my little blurb about Paul Herr's book, so I checked it out. To say it was weird would be putting it mildly.It began, in broken English..."Greeting my dear friend. How are you and those arround you??" In case you were wondering, that's exactly how everything was spelled ("arround", sure why not?).As the rambling progressed, she let me know that her father in Somalia had been "killed by our Government...accused of coup attempt..."Then she went on to describe her $4.8 million fortune and how I was supposed to help her smuggle it out of Somalia, and something like help her do something with it and I'd get the usual 15% of the take of the action. Sounds logical to me. After all, why not solicit the help from the world's worst investor to help her safely place all that loot somewhere?Still a bit skeptical, I googled her daddy's name and within two seconds had a list of exactly the same requests, from Bakersfield to Boston, trying her scam at least a thousand times. Here I am trying to sell my book, and she's wasting my time on her fiendish plot.So call me stupid. I passed up $720,000 just like that and callously refused to save her money and her life. How could I be such a beast? I'll tell you how...I've got other things to do. So Somalia, I'll see ya later, but hopefully, not tomalia, or the day after. Now leave me alone and go pester somebody else. And please don't come over to America and shoot me as I innocently open the door when my door bell rings. I'm on to your little tricks.Boy, these kids. What are they going to think up next? I think I'll head over to Twitter now. Bye.

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